Monday, October 4, 2010

RISE FROM YOUR GRAVE: the cadbury egg cake

An oldie, but a goody.
Replace ordinary eggs in cake recipe with Cadbury Creme Eggs and observe results.


 This method does not work so well. You kind of have to just pull the eggs apart.
 I took this picture after waiting about 10 seconds for something to happen. Cadbury eggs are a little yolk-shy. I am learning that basically, you just need to forget everything you THINK know about eggs because man, you don't know anything. You know nothing about eggs. Eggs is like "You don't know me! Don't even play like you know me!" 
But there are still ways... 
 And here we have our Cadbury Egg Yolk 
And here we have our leftover Cadbury Egg shells. 
So we throw them the fuck out!
... because this is a CAKE, people. A CAKE. Cakes don't have shells! That would be RIDICULOUS! A cake with shells? You're like a crazy person! 
 I had to microwave the yolk to reduce the viscosity enough to get it back out of the cup and into the mixing bowl. Mainly I'm telling you this because it permits me to use the word "viscosity" and I never get to do that. 
 The batter was sort of like glue after mixing it all together. 
 I was frankly surprised that the batter in the pans rose at all, but when I took them back out of the oven, they sort of deflated. 
Later I tried to ice the cake, but it had some serious structural integrity issues and little cake pieces kept coming off onto the knife. I ended up using a can and a half of icing to avoid seriously damaging the cake. 
And here she be. She's a mess. 
 I tried a piece. I use the term "piece" losely. For some reason, this cake tastes vaguely like Novocaine? I don't know what that's about. 

OKAY, FINE -- WHATEVER. Fuck you. Cadbury Egg cake is somewhat less awesome than the experimenter had hoped. But that's SCIENCE, people. Science! You experiment and you publish the results. Good or bad, right or wrong -- we're all better for it. The experimenter will also note that, upon excitedly telling a number of people of his cadbury egg cake idea, he met up with some degree of skepticism from friends and associates. He was told that the results would not only be poor, but a waste of time. 

To these people, I say: The Cadbury Egg Cake is a lot like LIFE:
Even though you realize it's probably not going to turn out the way you want it to, you do it anyway just to see how fucked up it's actually going to get.

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